The intent of this post is to help you on your dating track. Dating can be fun and it can unfortunately be a little stressful. I hope that after reading this post, it will lessen the stress aspect so that it will be fun.
To get started, first you want to change your thought process. You would not want to approach the date hoping and praying they will like YOU. You should approach the date as to whether you like THEM. You are the one that decides whether there will be a second date or future dates. Having this perspective can improve your confidence and keep you on track to what you want and what you deserve.
Also, if you think about it, dating in the beginning is kind of like a job interview. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that personal relationships are formal and the same as a stuffy job interview. When I say it is kind of like a job interview, I say this because similar to what I said above is that another way to approach the date, is that you are interviewing them just as much as they are interviewing you. It is not only about THEM interviewing YOU.
So here is the thing. The thing is, is whether you frequently date or if you haven’t dated in a while, it is important to know your value and not be desperate. When you are desperate, people can sense it from a mile away. I have included below a few considerations that can help you kind of ‘chill date’ and keep the pressure, stress and any desperation at bay and keep you on track.
Before we get into that, first and foremost, it is important to a) have confidence and b) have a full life. To improve your self-confidence, refer to my post “Stand At The Front Of Class”. To have a full life, have things going on in your life ie: hobbies, passions, interests, sports, exercise, friends, family, etc. If you do not have other things going on in your life, I recommend focusing on that first rather than dating. If you do not have a happy full life, you may feel more pressure to find someone to ‘make’ your life into something. Your life should already be something. Finding a partner should enhance your life, being heavily reliant on someone to make your life is not the best plan.
So here we go, in no particular order, considerations to help you on the dating track.
| 1. Play it cool | When I say play it cool, I am not implying that you act cold or aloof or play games, be yourself. However, remember that at first, everyone is on their best behaviour. Therefore, be aware that it is not possible to know that person well enough to make solid assumptions about them. All you have to go by is first impressions, so be cool while you get to know them better. |
| 2. Take it slow | Have the mindset to honestly and organically want to take it slow. Have a busy life and continue on with your life as you would normally. If you have this mindset, you will not be playing games as this is how you naturally are. |
| 3. Be patient | You do not need to see them the very next day or rush into anything. If you are patient, you can enjoy the journey of getting to know someone at your pace or their pace without any preconceived assumptions or placing stress on the situation by rushing. What is the rush? |
| 4. Listen to your instincts | They are never wrong, honestly. Can you think of a time when your instincts were wrong? Unlikely. Your instincts know. I know you know this. You just don’t know that you know. If you are a Friends fan, I love this episode: https://youtu.be/a4CS2tCjAgk |
| 5. Be logical | Do not plan the wedding after the first date. It is okay to feel good about how the date went, however, do not get ahead of yourself and assume this person is perfect and the answer to your prayers. This may sound forthright, but the reality is you may end up not liking this person once you get to know them better. |
| 6. Be aware and honest with yourself | Remember the saying “if something seems too good to be true, it probably is”. Be aware of traits, values, or any signs that do not fall with what you are looking for. |
| 7. Know what you want | Do not settle for someone that is somewhat close enough. You know what your heart is telling you. |
| 8. Be busy | Do not wait anxiously by the phone or be easily available. If you are genuinely busy, it is not a game. And certainly do not turn down an invitation from friends or family for the upcoming Friday night because you think this person may ask you out that night. Carry on with your life. |
Final thoughts:
The main thing is to be confident and know what you want in a partner and in your life. Stay the course. Stay on track. When we derail, we lose our way. Follow your heart, and listen to your inner voice. It will not lead you astray. I am sure you have heard this before, so the question is, are you listening?
All the best and until next time…
