Hi everyone. Please welcome my first guest writer, Sandra Medeiros. Sandra and I met in acting class, wow, a long time ago now. I asked Sandra to write for my blog because I knew she would do an amazing job as she is a very talented girl.
Sandra loves creating and sharing stories. She is an actor, writer, and producer, a mom to hilarious teenage twin girls, and is an unabashed cat lady. Sandra and her family are so nice and have always been so kind to me. Sandra thanked me for the opportunity to be a guest writer, however, I want to thank her and hope she will join us here again.
Without further adieu, here is Sandra’s post…
My fashion style has changed immensely over the years, for good and for bad. As a child, I wore whatever my parents dressed me in – usually my older sister’s hand me downs, always in perfect condition. My older sister, a true Virgo, always kept her clothes in pristine condition, and my mom, a true Virgo, washed them meticulously and then would hem them carefully so they would fit me. However, the clothes would not end up fitting my younger sister, as she was also taller than I was, and so my parents would have to buy clothes for both my sisters. Which, of course, meant that as the middle child, I never got any new clothes. Hence why I never wanted three kids to avoid the dreaded middle child syndrome but that’s a story for another time.
By the time I hit my teens, I was still in hand me downs. My mom began working as a house cleaner for wealthy families and was given tons of new clothes from their teenage daughters. I remember feeling embarrassed by this and never told a soul where these clothes came from. So, I wore a mix of clothes that had been in our closet for years along with stylish tops from Esprit. I was grateful that I grew up in the ‘80s where anything went in terms of fashion, and it only took a few scraps of lace to look like Madonna. I remember my sister cutting up our white lace Communion gloves to make them fingerless half gloves. It felt blasphemous at the time but man, did it elevate our style game.
Sometimes my parents splurged on clothes from the sale rack. I remember begging for a plaid skirt and my mom found one for $5 during a Woodward’s markdown sale. It was an awkward length and of course, I had no choice but to wear it for years, but it was not the trendy plaid skirt of my dreams. Let’s just say I did not look like Debbie Gibson.
I finally got a job working at a shoe store and thus began my lifelong love of shoes. I was 16 years old and workplace sexual harassment aside, my discount allowed me to have the best shoes of any kid my age. My favourite was a pair of black suede over the knee boots. My clothing style still left much to be desired, but I was hesitant to spend money on clothing. One day my sister dragged me into Smart Set and picked out a bunch of super cute, on trend clothes. I remember feeling appalled at the money I was spending on this new wardrobe but thanks to her, my fashion sense quickly elevated. I passed the favour on to my younger sister when she got to high school.
After that, I could shop for myself, no problem. I still made sure that everything I bought was on sale – no full price for this gal! Until I met my husband – when he got himself clothes, he never felt guilty, never checked to see if it was on sale and did not blink an eye at buying top end jeans. He explained that this was the only brand that suited his body type, and it was what he felt good in. He was completely unapologetic for dropping that much coin on denim.
I still continued to search the sale racks for quite some time when I realized there was merit to what he was saying. Sometimes you do have to put forth a few extra dollars to get just the right fit and I found myself elevating my style, yet again, and purchasing better quality items. I was in my twenties; I was healthy and fit and my clothing reflected a woman with a bright future. I really enjoyed shopping and buying clothes for myself and cultivated a good eye for others. I could hop into any store and find great outfits for my mom and sisters. I’d bring them home for them to try on and pretty much everything I selected looked amazing. I could have become a stylist or personal shopper, but I didn’t want to quit my fabulous, high earning (sarcasm) day job.
Then I got pregnant. With twins. I gained a lot of weight very quickly and was plunged into the world of maternity wear very early on. Through most of my pregnancy, I lay on the couch in jammies and not feeling well at all. I did have a few cute outfits – some cute billowing tops, an adorable pink dress with polka dots. One item has withstood the test of time – a beautiful tweedish cape with a faux fur collar that I still wear to this day.
Then…the twins arrived. I learned that it is much harder to dress for a post-pregnancy body than it is to dress for a pregnant body. My body changed on a daily basis and thanks to pumping for two, my breasts were even larger than they were during pregnancy. Undergarments had always been important to me, even more than the clothing that everyone could see, but now my bras were these ugly white cotton things with flaps. My adorable shoe collection was now play shoes that my toddlers hobbled around the house in. I looked at all the cute clothes I used to wear – what my mom called “doll clothes” – and wondered who that person even was.
I was exhausted and had no time to shop for myself and the clothing budget went to the twins – baby girl clothes are sooooo cute! – and I stayed in maternity clothes for way longer than I should have. I needed the comfortable waistbands after the cesarean and I really could not be bothered – after all, I was getting spit on at least ten times a day by not one, but two, babies.
Everything about me screamed tired new mom. I felt unattractive and looked the same way. One day, I was heading home after an afternoon walk, tiredly pushing the double-wide stroller along my unpaved street, when my mom was waiting for me on my steps. She told me later that she didn’t recognize me. She said I looked tired, frumpy and unkempt and encouraged me to take some time to get myself some new clothes. I accepted this as permission to finally look after myself and I got myself some non-maternity clothes – still comfortable but at least they were presentable. It was not the style of yesteryear, since every garment had to be easy to throw on and easy to wash. But at least I was looking somewhat presentable.
Then my marriage fell apart. I was now a single mother, raising two active toddlers on my own. There was no extra money for clothes, and I ran my clothes into the ground. Again, I felt defeated, tired, and avoided looking into the mirror. Our situation improved but new clothing was always a luxury as my kids were growing, not I. Clothes still had to be comfortable as I was constantly running around after my girls, hanging out on playgrounds, taking out recycling, doing school pickups, taking kids to various activities, waiting around cold ice rinks or uncomfortable gymnasiums. Comfort was key. One day, I told myself I needed to put some more thought into my attire. I vowed never to wear sweats in public again. So began my new uniform – jeans, cotton t-shirt, big baggy cardigan.
Recently, my daughter showed me a Pinterest board she had created, filled with various stylish women, wearing well-fitted clothes in a variety of styles. She said she had created it for me in hopes that I would get some inspiration and change up my style. There’s a serious wake-up call! I realized that even though my daughters were now young teens, I was still dressing as though I expected someone to spit up on me. That I was still dressing like I had to rescue a toddler off the top of the slide. That I was still dressing like a woman who was tired, exhausted, faced with a hundred tasks, and a never-ending to-do list. Okay, that last one is still true. But I think it’s also true of pretty much every woman – and they are not all walking around wearing a gigantic cardigan that has pilled to the point of no recognition.
I am slowly waking up to the fact that clothing is not just frivolous. When I am able to put some thought and attention into my attire, I automatically feel more confident, happy, and like I can tackle anything life throws my way, because life is always throwing things my way. Always. The to-do list won’t go away. But at least I can look good while checking off those tasks.
Because NOBODY is spitting up on me.
Sandra Medeiros
