Do you feel awkward when you are on a date and the bill comes? If the answer is yes, I am guessing the reason you feel awkward is because you feel you should offer to pay your half. However, if the thought of offering to pay doesn’t even enter your mind, then you wouldn’t feel awkward right? This is the place you want to be. And, I personally don’t see anything wrong with that. You can agree or disagree with me and that is ok. This is my opinion and my opinion may not be of the opinion of others.
When it comes to dating, and even if you are in a relationship, however in dating, if you are in a man/woman relationship, I believe the man should pay. Here is why. It is simple. First, we like it. Second, we want to feel taken care of. This feeling could be conscious or subconscious, not sure, probably not relevant, regardless, it makes us feel special and makes us feel like a woman to be treated. Thirdly, it is usually the man asking a woman out to join him. So I feel that it would be impolite for the man to expect the woman to pay her own way. This is proper manners and etiquette more than anything. Plus, a man with manners will want to pay and wouldn’t have it any other way. It is not about the money so much as it is about being a gentleman.
First lesson
So ladies, listen carefully, first lesson. You are a woman that deserves to be treated, you do not need to feel obligated to offer to pay when the bill comes! Even if you realize throughout the date there will not be another date, that is ok, you do not owe him anything. This is a risk he is willing to take. When the bill comes, right away say ‘thank you for inviting me to dinner or brunch etc,’. That way, there is no awkwardness and the expectation is set. You know, if you travel to other countries, there is no expectation for a woman to pay, the waiter puts the bill in front of the man. Not in the middle of the table Switzerland-safe-zone we see in North America. Anyway, going back to what I was saying, if you do offer to pay lovlies, it sets a precedent and expectation that you are ok and willing to pay your half another time or all other times. Yes, I know you are an independent women and even though, yes, you can probably technically pay, let him. Learn to be ok with being treated like a woman.
Reasons Why
Now, there are a couple of other reasons I believe a man should pay, in addition to what I mentioned above. I am all for feminism and women having their own life, career and being independent. However, we are still in a world where women are not equally paid. In addition, because a modern woman is independent, we live alone, buy property, a car etc., just as men do, however, as women we have a lot more expenses.
I believe men have no idea to the extent of expenses we have. We women know how much we spend. For men, let’s be honest, how much money do they spend on themselves? If there are any men reading this, how much do you think you spend on yourself? Maybe a $30 (or less) for a hair cut every 4-6 weeks. You buy whatever shampoo at the drugstore, shaving cream, shavers, maybe cologne, some clothes and some shoes and that’s about it right? Well women have to spend a lot more money than that to look our best, feel confident and take care of ourselves. Here is an idea of our self-expenses. Haircuts (never under $30), highlights, lowlights, root touch ups, hair colouring, face serum, face masks, day face cream, eye cream, night cream, neck cream, body cream, foot cream, hand cream, makeup primer, foundation, face powder, eyeshadows, mascara, eyeliners, lip liners, eyebrow products, blushes, bronzers, lipsticks and lipglosses, makeup brushes, face cleansers, special face sunscreen, maybe eyelash extensions or hair extensions, false lashes, nail polish, manicures, pedicures, maybe face injections (botox or fillers), facials, face exfoliator, body exfoliator, sunless tanning cream, eyebrow threading, waxing, micro-blading, laser treatments, laser hair removal on all parts of our body, purple shampoo, quality regular shampoo, pre-conditioner, deep conditioner, detangler, regular conditioner, hair oil, heat protectant, hair tools, fragrances, jewelry, hoisery, lingerie, many clothes, many shoes, handbags, etc. etc. Ok, try saying that all in one breath. Defense rests.
Now, I am not saying that a woman can’t treat a man to dinner on his birthday. And, if you want to do something nice while dating, you can every so often cook and host a night in. Maybe make cookies or whatever. This will make him feel special that you made the effort and it is your way to contribute.
Final thoughts
To pay or not to pay. I want to feel and want you to feel like a woman and part of that is being treated when you are dating. Expect to be treated like a woman, you are worth it. A true gentleman will want to. You should not feel obligated to contribute your half or be seen in a negative way if you do not. Of course, always be polite, kind and genuine.
All the best and until next time…
